2007 Learning To Let God (January 3, 2007)

007 has been a rough year for me already. A blessed year. But, rough none the less.

During my fast I have learned some things about self-destructive patterns in my life, learned that the mortal things I thought I could count on very easily slip away, learned that some relationships are toxic for me and may need to cease or change with some strong boundaries on my part, and I have been reminded that I am NOTHING without Christ.

I've been spending a lot of quiet time and if you know me well you have a very shocked look on your face. Yes. I have sat in silence just listening to God and I have sat still long enough to hear Him.

It doesn't feel good but He is molding me and shaping me like the lumpy clay that I am.

Lastly. I know that I am blessed. I watch the documentaries on all of the AIDS orphans and child sex slavery and I weep like a baby. I know that I have to allow God to make me into what He needs me to be so I can be His hands and His feet to help His children and be a light.

So...all that I ask is that you bear with me and not take my timidity, my quiet, or my reflections personally. I'm just in an "interesting" place right now. If you have been reading my blogs for a while you know that I have had ups and downs just like anyone else. I have spoken of valleys and mountaintops. But please know that I am never without hope and love. I just recognize that growing means change and that usually involves giving something up that you hold dear and giving up control (or in my case the illusion thereof).

I'm not where I should be....but praise God I'm not where I was.

For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:6-9