Overdue Blog (November 10, 2008)

I am praising God for so many things. For my salvation. For breathing easy. For my amazing friends. For my loving family...and for miracles.

My sister has her kidney! Even though we had a few set backs she is the proud owner of a functioning kidney!

Through all of this I must say I have learned a thing or two about faith.

1) God may not always come when you want Him to… but He is always right on time. We waited for years for this kidney. We cried. We prayed. We fasted. We did everything we could think to do and then in this strange unexpected moment...God shows up with a miracle. I am reminded that Abraham and Sarah waited well past their 90's to have their promised child. David waited over 15 years to be King after he was anointed as a mere Shepard. The Israelites....well that was kinda their fault they let a 2 week trip take 40 years. But, you catch my drift.

2) Praising Him through my circumstances isn't just a cute thing Christians say. When the rubber met the road and I was so fearful I could barely function God met me and soothed me. When my sister was headed under the knife a week ago I was scared of losing her on the operating table, scared we would be disappointed again, and scared that somehow this just wouldn't work...again. It hit me hard that after I told her I loved her at 7:30 that might be our last conversation…ever. I had to lead worship with all of these thoughts rolling around in my head and to be perfectly honest...I did not feel like singing God's praises at that moment. I would rather have crawled into a ball in my bedroom and cried my eyes out in fear. Instead, my Pastor Tinker saw right through my fear (gotta love discernment) and called attention to it. She pulled me to the front and had everyone pray over my sister and me. Boy did I feel exposed because if you know me at all you know I HATE attention being called to me. Snot and tears flowing Ms. Overly Guarded..."don't let anyone see my true emotions unless it pertains to witnessing" Tanya broke right on down into a pile of mess. Then I had to take the mic and not only sing but lead a band. Well. When the first song started...even after the loving prayers of everyone in that room...I still wanted to run. But, as I sang a funny thing happened. I was enveloped with peace. We sang "Meet With Me by Ten Shekel Shirt" which goes like this:

I'm here to meet with You
Come and meet with me
I'm here to find You
Reveal Yourself to me

As I wait, You make me strong
As I long, draw me to Your arms
As I stand and sing Your praise
You come, You come and You fill this place
Won't you come, Won't you come and fill this place

How completely appropo. I found a comfort and a peace that was so…for lack of better word... surreal. Not 1 second before I started singing had I felt the weight of my own fear. But, as I sang I was just so peaceful. And it followed me even after leaving the stage. I was peaceful from that moment forward knowing that God is Sovereign and in control. How empowering to move out of fear into perfect peace!

3) Never underestimate the power of TRUE friendship. You know? The kind that makes you talk it out when you don't want to? The kind that knows that "I'm ok" is code for "I am about to fall apart so don't let me go". The kind that thinks to buy you a plane ticket and a rental car when you can't afford it to get you home to be with your family. The kind that says they will pray...and actually does it…fervently. The kind that will stay on-line with you til 2am just to make you smile and to be sure you are ok. The kind who has no idea how to comfort you but sends text messages with Scripture and song verses that will minister to your very soul. The kind that lets your room remain a disaster so you can rest (thanks roommie). The kind who loves you enough to allow you to be the weak one...just this once. And...the one who reminds you of your very own words when you feel like giving up. "Hey Tanya, remember the Aaron and Hur story you are always telling? Why don't you let us hold your arms up for a while? You don't have to be the strong one right now. Let us do that for you". The kind who calls just to say " I love you and I'm here when you wanna talk".

4) There is nothing...and I mean nothing better than sleeping on a chair next to your sister in a cold hospital room and knowing that God loves her so much more than you do.

5) Hospital food is the pits.

6) Praising Him doesn't start and end with a miracle. It is praising Him daily with your life....a lifestyle of worship that matters. We can't earn His love. He is love and He will never stop loving us…no matter what we do or who we are. Therefore, our response should be the only thing we can possibly give Him...the Creator of all things...the Lover of my soul...the Healer...the Comforter...My God...we give Him all of ourselves in worship and adoration. Regardless of the circumstances.

So to recap: Miracles Rock but God rocks harder than His miracles.

Thanks to everyone for prayers and support.

Love you guys!

PS: Some folks are asking how to pray right now. Well. Chanda was in a lot of pain and they found out she had fluid around her new kidney. Her kidney is working fine (Praise God!!!) but the fluid is what was causing the unbearable tear-filled pain. They performed a second surgery today and she is in the recovery room at this very moment. Pray for rapid and complete healing. Also, the medications are atrociously expensive. They are $500.00 for 1 month supply and that is with insurance covering $1500.00 already. Now, before you start sending money (I know some of you extravagant givers already have your checkbook in hand) hold on a sec. The Doctors are looking for solutions and are trying to see if they can donate some of the meds. Just pray for that. And finally…my mom is exhausted. She hasn't left my sister's side since I visited and there is no telling when they leave the hospital. She isn't complaining. I mean her kid is alive and well after all. She is completely joyful. But, I hear the strain in her voice. Just pray for rest please. If you have never slept in a hospital chair for over a week…you probably won't understand. Thanks so much.