Ch Ch Changes (May 18, 2007)

This is long because it is written more for me to have a record of the following then for the eyes of others. But, feel free to read. I want to be transparent so I wont make it private.

The past two nights have propelled the transformation process that God began in me the day I decided to become a Christian and give my life over wholly to Him. God can change things in an instant but oftentimes there is a process one goes through where every aspect of your life is gradually changed to line up with God's perfect love. Some folks come to Jesus to solve a problem (depression over a breakup for example) and when the problem is solved and nothing else has yet changed about their lives they give up and go back to their old ways. I believe it has a lot to do with our "instant gratification society" where we want everything NOW and arent willing to wait. No matter what the consequences and no matter what we forfeit in the process. Peace, Blessings, Healings, Restoration. Like Esau trading his interitance for a bowl of soup (Gen 25: 29-34) or Veruca Salt and the Wonka squirrel in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory we give them all up because we arent willing to work at it or to wait on the Lord for His soverign timing. The Word says in Romans 12:2 "Be not conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." and I am daily gaining a deeper knowledge of what that looks like.

I was asked last Wednesday to prepare a sermon for Thursday night of this week on a book we have been reading in Paradym (my Young Adults Group) called The Bondage Breaker. Every leader in the group will be speaking on one of the chapters to gain ministry experience and to be used by God to bring a fresh perspective. I prepared endlessly and with much anxiety. Even going so far as to take time off of work and skip out on a baseball game I really wanted to go to...just to finish my sermon. If you know me you know that I am by NO MEANS shy. I can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. For me public speaking is a breeze...except when done in front of my peers. I get nervous and find myself praying "God PLEASE make this OVER already". I poured over this sermon, agonized over it, wrote and rewrote it so many times, and even practiced it out loud. I was as ready as I was gonna be.

To top it all off last night (THE THURSDAY in question) was double duty for me. Not only was I asked to speak but I regularly lead the worship band which is a job in and of itself. There are 8 amazingly talented singers and musicians depending on me to organize them, lead them through the songs, and often reassure them, while simultaneously singing myself and paying attention to the mood of the congregation and the leading of the Holy Spirit. If God wants a song to last longer or the congregation isnt getting anything out of it...it is my job to be sensitive enough to all of this to make changes or take us in a new direction. Much preperation goes into the band leading worship...it isnt just a random thing. I pray over the band consistantly and I pray over the songs I choose for us to do. We come together to practice the songs for 4 hours a week plus the band works at home independently practicing. Thursday night we step up on stage with these prepared songs and my Pastor says she wants a song that is not in our repertoire and not anything we have practiced. She wants something fast and she wants it played now.

Keep in mind I have butterflies in my stomach and I am trying to concentrate on every other aspect of leading a band as mentioned above. I am also trying to talk to God in my head about needing Him to get me through the sermon. And WHAM here comes an unexpected unforeseen change or as I saw it yet another obstacle in my night to overcome so I could concentrate on speaking.

...and I got angry.

Angry that everyone should understand how nervous I was and cut me some slack, angry that MY PLAN that had been good for a week was usurped in an instant. Angry that God hadn't protected me from this needless distraction. And angry that I was angry. I immediately asked God to change my heart because I knew I was wrong. I had just started to calm down as worship was ending and find peace about speaking when WHAM God tells me to forgo what I had prepared and slaved over for a week and speak on faith.

God used me to preach a 45 minute sermon I had not prepared at all. No notes. No research. No scriptures written out for reference. No beginning, middle, or end. I was basicall gonna have to shoot from the hip. In short...I was terrified at the very thought of it. But, it ended up being clear, concise and made an impact. I can only say that because A) I know it was ALL God B) People have told me how much it spoke to them and C) It ministered to me on many levels. When I was supposed to be "teaching" the congregation lessons...I was learning myself. Scripture references and Biblical facts just came to me in an instant. I was awed.

Last night I learned A) If I don't take my hands off of it...I could be standing in the way of something pretty phenomenal God is trying to use me to do, B)I need to learn that "anything can happen and it probably will" in ministry, C)I need to get over myself, and finally D) God is trying to grow me even further in an area I thought I had down pretty well...submission. BTW: Submission doesnt mean a loss of power. It takes pretty strong character and maturity to be willing to yield...without malice or feeling slighted...to authority God has placed in one's life. It allows God to move in blessing you in other areas and it maintains His perfect plan. It shows Him that you relinquish control for His perfect will and that if He can "trust you in this little area He can trust you with much more."

Then tonight I went to a conference featuring Dutch Sheets, Wellington Boone, and Chuck Pierce. When I say that it was one of the most significant nights of my life I am not exaggerating. I know that I will see the effects of tonight throughout the rest of my life. I advertised it with friends and only 2 of them showed. I had every excuse in the book thrown at me from people who say they want more of God in their lives. They had concerts to go to, they had to clean, they were tired, they had a headache, they wanted to hang out and chill. Now there is nothing wrong AT ALL with any of these excuses. Jesus had plenty of time where he had to get away from the crowds and rejuvenate. The Bible also says "Be still and know that I am God". To be still one has to rest the body and the mind. Also, God calls us to take care of our households, our families, and our temples which makes R&R in the Kingdom a necessity. BUSY means being under Satan's yolk and it often keeps one from intimacy with Christ. If God calls you to spend time in His word or with your family rather than going to yet another conference...by all means go for it. But, again these are people who come to me constantly (even when I want to rest and rejuvenate) wanting the power of God to move in their lives and wanting freedom and more of Him. They call on me for prayer. They tell me how defeated they feel at work, in relationships, and with their sin life. They tell me they want to be more knowledgeable about God's Word. They tell me they want to lead family and friends to Christ but don't know how. They tell me they are tired of being lonely because they havent met that right person and wonder what God is doing. They say they want a change and yet they came up with many excuses not to be somewhere that would empower them to get there. And just to clarify the commitment here this conference is roughly 6 hours out of a weekend, free, and in town.

Well, I can tell you right now from the bottom of my heart that I know God did a work in me tonight. Ordinarily, as many of you know I would be LIVID. I would be laying guilt trips on people left and right. But, God did something in me tonight so everyone is safe. He told me that the reason people don't attend things that can give them exactly what they want is because once you engulf yourself in that experience you are responsible for walking it out. He told me that those that showed up tonight and will show up tomorrow morning are the ones who are ready to walk it out. I learned tonight that although I am a leader and the Bible says leaders in the church are held to a higher standard and have to answer for the people God has placed in their lives to lead... it is not my responsibility to force it. I don't think I ever got it before. Yes, I have been given and have accepted an incredible responsibility to lead souls to the Lord, to speak Biblical truth to them, to pray for and with them, to study, and to live a Holy life. But, as the old saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. As John Bever says "you (meaning each individual) determin the level of your relationship with God". If you say you want more yet are unwilling to do anything about it...where you are at is where you will stay. Or worse you may regress even further back. Laziness is not of God and watching Shrek 3 should never be a prioroty over spending time in the presence of the Lord and receiving good teaching if one is serious about going deeper with God.

The reason people who attended tonight received something and were a part of something money can NEVER buy, worldly power can NEVER tame, Satan can NEVER break, and humans can NEVER take is because they are willing to walk it out. In Hebrews Chapter 11 every person mentioned walked it out. Every Disciple in the New Testament walked it out. Every martyr walked it out and continues to do so daily all over the world. The difference between being great for the Kingdom and being good in this world is the willingness to walk it out...or as Pastor Sheets said tonight "Just Keep Rowing".

I apologize if I made anyone feel guilty in the past for not attending something that you didn't want to. There is a reason the Word talks about separating the wheat from the chaff and the sheep from the goats. Matt 22:14 says many are called but few are chosen. I finally feel released to stop pulling people kicking and screaming towards the Cross. The Bible says to work out your own salvation through fear and trembling. Too long have I been trying to goad people into doing so.

I won't stop leading or doing what God has asked. I wont stop speaking the Word and giving direction. I won't stop being God's instrument to leave the 99 to get the one who has strayed. But, guilt isn't from God. unrighteous anger and frustration isn't from God. And although God says we all could be... unfortunately not everyone is at the same place spiritually. I must have grace because much grace is given me. I welcome correction because it helps me grow. It doesn't feel good at the time but I know what it is meant for. Just as I was DEAD WRONG for being angry last night over being forced out of my comfort zone in worship I have been wrong in this and God has corrected my thinking. But, I now understand that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It's time I stop being insane and focus more of my time and energy on those who are insatiable for more of Him in my current ministry and those unsaved folks out in the world that are desperate for Christ...who need to see something real or else they perish. For everyone else inbetween I will commit to praying, loving, and living a life that exalts Christ. As Wesley said I'll set myself on fire so you can watch me burn. There's something about fire that makes people want to touch it. When they touch it they ignite too. But...beyond that..you're on your own.

Are you wheat or chaff? A sheep or a goat? Do you really desire to give every aspect of your life over to what you claim to believe...because if it's true this world is headed for a Hell of torment and eternal pain and you may be the only thing that could lead them to the One who will save them. Are you willing to go the distance...no matter the cost? The Word says if you try to save your life you'll lose it but if you give it to God you gain it. Are you trying to hold on to YOUR life, YOUR time, YOUR sin while trying to fill your life with the things of God? It's impossible to do both and God didnt design it that way.

The world needs proof that God really exists. Are you willing to be used to show it? They need to see unconditional love and supernatural power to believe it. Are you willing to do what it takes to get there? They are tired of seeing hypocrisy. They need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this God is worth giving their entire lives over to. Are you willing to make sacrifices to show it?

The Christians having underground church in China who are jailed, tortured, and killed for believing in Christ, the Invisible Children in Africa who fear rape and abduction yet hold onto Christ, the people the world over willing to be martyred for Christ see miracles daily because God is all they have. They are desperate for Him. How desperate are we who own 50% of the world's wealth to see miracles? Are we willing to stand?

Revelation 3: 15-17

15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.